mungkin ini jawabannya

setiap orang harus bertanggung jawab dengan apa yg dia lakukan... kalo itu adalah pandangan saya... bahkan...saya pun mengakui bahwa apa yg saya tabur... itulah yg akan saya tuai.... dan saya percaya hukum karma... tapi yaaa.... ngga semua juga bisa pada hukum tabur tuai itu... tapi yg jelas... kalo orang tersebut terpanggil untuk membalaskan bagi saya atas apa yg pernah saya lakukan terhadap orang lain di masa yg sangat telah berlalu...... yaaa maka mungkin itulah jawabannya... karena bisa saja hal itu terjadi... karena semata mata TUHAN itu ADIL adanya... dan terlebih lagi Tuhan itu yg maha kuasa.... saya saja yg ngga mengingat kesalahan saya dimasa lalu.... karena bumi itu berputar dan bahkan memberikan pertumbuhan... maka yaaa keadilan itu akan datang seperti angin dan akan berlalu setelah dia melakukan apa yg seharusnya dia lakukan terhadap kehidupan... dan bumi ini memberikan pertumbuhan... yaa maka unuk itulah orang harus menanam apa yg seharusnya dan apa yg dia inginkan terjadi pada dirinya....bahkan.... pembalasan itu berlipat ganda... sampai akhirnya kitapun mengakui kebesaran nama Tuhan... hemmmm.... bener ngga siii????? smoga pembalasan atas kejahatan saya ngga bertubi tubi dilimpahkan dan dilipat gandakan... tapi bagaimana saya pun bisa mendoakan hal itu???? karena Yesus pun mengajarkan... dosa itu dapat hilang kuasanya atas darah Kristus... yaitu darah yg membasuh dengan penuh kasih... dan itupun adalah karunia dari atas... karunia dari Tuhan saja..... #crossingfingers..... smoga saya benar kali ini piiiisss [^_^]v

hem salah siapa yaa kalo begini

satu kali... saya yg asli jawa ini, kadang sensinya super.. ngga tau deh yaa apa mungkin karena bawaan dari kecil... atau terbiasa terhina dan sulit mendengarkan aliran positifnya... kayanya ngga juga... saya jadi teringat satu kalimat yg sering saya dengar ataupun saya dapatkan dari alkitab.. maaf... notabene saya kristen.. jadi... di alkitab ada kalimat dalam Roma 5:3-5... bahwa kita sudah seharusnya bermegah di dalam kesesakan... bahwa ketekunan menimbulkan tahan uji... dan tahan uji menimbulkan pengharapan... bahkan pengharapan itu tidak mengecewakan... memang yaaa... suatu kali... saya diperhadapkan dengan masalah.... dimana saya yg tadinya ngga sabaran... ampe bisa kaya orang mati rasa karena dihina mati matian pun ngerasa tetep cuek aja dan sedikit santai menjawab masalah tersebut... dan akhirnya sampai saya mendapatkan julukan... si sabar... ehehehehehe padahal sebenarnya.. kalo soal sabar... saya kalo dirumah ngga jarang marah marah... heheheheh.... jangan malu dan ragu nanya ibu saya dan kluarga di rumah... tapi... saya memang ngga jarang emosian... heheheheh... tapi di tempat kerja... saya jarang marah... dan ini pun... untuk kesekian kalinya ternyata... saya punharus bersabar... karena ada orang tua murit yg memandang suku bangsa.... hadeuh... ngerasa terhina sedikit saya.... yaa tapi gimana yaa... ketika saya ngakunya separuh separuh... yaaa saya maunya berbagi rasa dengan mreka yg berkulit putih... bukan dengan maksut gimana yaa.... yaaa sy bekerja looh... dan itu kan seperti melayani... jadinya saya nyantai aja... tapi dalam hati ini... JLEEBB!!!! akhirnyaa.... saya jadinya untuk kesekian kalinya mengalah dan menyatakan diri... ya Tuhan... saya mengalah layaaa.... karena saya kerja disini... hehehehehehe..... sabar sabar sabar sabar sabar.... elus dada.... tadinya ngadepin murit yg udah lebih dewasa yg KEPO EKSPO hehehehehehe... masa iya siya... nanya nanya jumlah gaji saya... bohongin mreka karena itu hal tabu... kok yaaa saya ngajarin boong... walopun... saya ngajarin hal yg ngga bener pun ternyata yaa biasa aja... kalo saya ngeluh... hadoooh... anak anak ini.... kenapa yaaa kok kepo... atau hadoohh... kenapa yaa ortum ini kok rasialis banget... yaa Tuhan ngadepin orang yg macem macem ini..... gimana yaa caranyaaaaa......Tuhan... Engkau sbenernya mau ngebentuk saya sperti gimana siiii??? apakah saya yg mendoakan untuk bersabar ini... dan malahan diberikan permasalahan yg bertubi tubi agar saya terbiasa dan akhirnya jadi penyabar juga... maka Engkau memberikan permasalahan yg baru agar saya semakin bertumbuh??? tapi kok yaa sulit banget yaaaa..... bahkan saya masih semilir semilir mendendangkan... lagu ini niii ......... bagaikan padi segenggam .. mestilah busuk dipendam... supayaaa tumbuh dan besar... di padang surya memekar... berbuahlah.... tuaian pun besar....jadilah saya tinggal elus dada aja ketika mengalami hal seperti itu.....Ya Tuhan.... beri kekuatan agar saya smakin bertumbuh dan semakin bersabar.... ngga gampang memang... tapi memang awalnya setiap bayi makanannya bubur yg lunak... dan ketika dia beranjak dewasa... makanannya akan bertambah keras ataupun alot... Tuhan... mampukan aku setiap hari yaaa AMIN AMIN AMIN

God's perfect plan and time

when I thought I was walking alone without any guidance from Him,,, then He shows me the way,,, and He even provide me with the magnifying glass. That God is sometimes give me chances to see... Once I read from quotes... that during Test or Assignment... the teacher would just stay calm in the front or in the place that student cannot see... but still watch over... whether we as students may not found Him... but later we have to do the journey by ourselves and later the trial will shown to us... how is the result.... we see the result in the end of our journey... what mark or what score can we earn or should we earn... as God is fair we will get the result as well as we deserve. there is also "foot print" short story... as where... when we see only one pair of step we see down the sand,,, it wasn't our foot print... but it is God's foot print that that carry us in His shoulder to take us along our journey. Somehow... as i recall.... i often cannot wait for the perfect moment that God had brought to me.... God's perfect plan and God's perfect timing has also been a very good proof as His guidance to us. i just cannot wait and wish for my own time. and here with i just wanna recalling you... that God's plan for us is always and will always good to us.. they will also very fit to us.... perfectly fit to us... sooo JUST WAIT... He is coming soon.... because He loves us... He loves me too.. you and me :)

this stressful is killing me

I bet I have just made someone mad this evening, yesterday. I am tired of waiting. I cannot wait any longer. There is a writing. That streesful is something that make us want everything happened NOW. whilst, we have to wait along GoD's time. And that is the correct one. But I keep thinking over something, and it is unended. During the waiting, my mind is crossing over on something and recalling the passing time. Everything has reminds me that someone has hurt me. And not only someone, but anyone. .... I am so stressfulllll. I am sorry... for people whom I have been hurt. Mostly yesterday.

years passed bye already

I should know to ignore my days. They have gone really fast. My hair has getting grey, as well as my age has coming abundantly. I am still searching for my best behalf. On which I thought I have found one. He doesn't even take care of me, and even ignore me at once until forever. I do not know where to go. Deep inside, and not only deep, but in fact I always says, that I should build my own family. But how come, if there is no one ever come anymore? When I was younger, there are kinds of guys coming in and out. But then, now they out of my live one by one. Dissapear just like shaddow on the beach that made of sand. With this guy, I thought, I can take only a few more years, years of waiting, but he is just the same as the begginer. He ignored me. This tears queueing on my lid. But still no one know. I don't trully reject. But they are just passed bye. Waiting is stressful. But the tests are so hard to do and answered. I wish I can have what I supposed to receive. I wish I can get what ever I had planned before. I wish the time coming immediately. But there is kinds of quizes almost all around. How come people cannot understand. Herewith I DO NOT believe in GoD. He doesn't gave me what I asked for. I know, that there is not supposed to wait for long. But it has been toooooooooo long. I have my own decision. That we should end up. And I will go for another. No need to miss anymore. My cheek become very warm. Not because of the weather. But because of him. I hate you FOOL!!!

teaching preschool

it has been almost 2 months after i enter this new school. the environment was so nice and friendly. i never taking care of babies before. since i am the last child in my family. but i just ever taking care of my cousins which so ever they were as same old as me right now. well. the kids are good looking faces and they sometimes sharing their food to me. ahahahah not so many. not so much. but one of the lil girl often feeding me with her bento. only one little pieces. xixixi...... and i of course giving her good score. because she wants top share with others. i wish i always able to share their pix on my face book. but it is not allowed. the policy is our handphone and that is of course becomes my tablet will also be send to the receptionist to be able to be kept with her for several time during class session. and afterward, we can take back our handphone. that is too bad. but anyway..... they were cutessssss....... i wish i can have one of them and bring him or her home to show to my mom. mom... look i have got this.... and i share with my mom. my mom is also responsible with the kids near my house. and those little children are leanring freely with my mom. whenever they have problems from school, as where like homework.... they will go to my mom and learn with her.. my mom of course. i love my mom here and now.... for tomorrow.... xixixixi i do not know... our daily routine is.... too many too describe and too many to be talked about and that makes us sometimes yell to each other... ahahahahahahahaaaa... we have too close relationship. and this has happened since many years ago. we are alike a teachers family... me... i am now a preschool teacher... while my mom is PAUD and my sister is english teacher... bye nowwww

missing between relationship and fellowship

I don't think i am going to tell about loyalty in relationship. But I miss my BF sooooo much. the missest miss i have ever have. I really wish i can tell how much. But I really do not know how to tell. He hasn't called me yet until now. i miss his white broad tummy and his really fresh cute lips. I wish I can even send him more of my cookings. I learn to cook for him. phew i do not know how much i can tell. but thanks God here in this new place of work i am doing now, the fellow are very understanding of my story about him. well..... we first met very long time ago. and we met again afterward. but we were seperated again afterward. and we will meet again in new coming soon. but i cannot contact him. and he hasn't called me yet until now. omg. i miss him so. i thought he has forgotten my asking to him about the future we were araising. but still i sometimes cannot concentrate on my work during free time. it is just annoying. but that was only happend sometimes. actually just once, right after i move my working place. i missed his hands and his bald unhairy leg xixixi. i trully miss him a lot. miss as missed so much....... darn. call me laaahhh babe..........